Panic at the Disco, If My Kitchen Table Can Be Called the Disco

I like to say I work better under pressure but that's really just an excuse for Procrastination being my middle name.

Thirty days from now I will be on a plane with a jumbo sized bag of "popcorn" a.k.a.nicotine gum for the eight hour ride to Italy. (I think it's 8 hours. Somebody help me out, math and conversions are not my thing. We leave Kennedy in NY at 7p.m. and arrive in Rome at 10 a.m. Did I do the time change right?) Sure, I could try to quit smoking before the trip, but I hear Italy is very smoker-friendly. Why torture myself my family in a country where smoking seems to be embraced? Anyhoo, it has suddenly dawned on me that there are VERY IMPORTANT things that must be accomplished prior to the trip.

Like my teeth. Sure, I haven't been to the dentist since 2004, which I didn't realize until the receptionist tsk-ed me when she pulled my chart, but all of a sudden it seems imperative that I have the two wisdom teeth pulled that came in when I was pregnant with Tee, ahem, 19 years ago.  Because who goes to Italy with two whole extra teeth in their mouth? So declasse'.

Also, I notified the school that the kids would be absent for the trip. Thinking that thirty days prior would be plenty of time, I hadn't exactly sweated this detail. Turns out that the principal has to personally approve the trip and that I will have to explain why it is so important that my children are not sitting mindless and numb during Standard of Learning reviews, instead jet-setting to a foreign country and completely wasting their public education. Item: Compose letter to principal  without an ounce of sarcasm included that pleads for excused absences for this potentially once in a lifetime opportunity. Note to self: Do not point out that Italy has no legal drinking age and that Tee anticipates a big majority of his cultural education to include such phrases as "Youthful, leggy, deeply colored." or "Heavily beaded. Pale, cool climate." 

The across the street neighbor is keeping Sadie while we are away. He's a Dog Park kind of guy. We are not Dog Park kind of people - love the dogs, despise the owners. Also the dog catcher routinely patrols the Dog Park and fines those who do not have the city enforced dog tag. Item: go down to City Hall and pay the fracking $5 for the little tin tag shaped like the state of Virginia already.

Bratface has needed an eye exam since December. I felt no guilt whatsoever and blamed the procrastination on thrift and frugality (she still had three pairs of contacts left in the box!) until last week when she took them out for the night - then dropped and stepped on her only pair of glasses. Seriously, the poor child needs a cane and seeing eye dog to navigate from bathroom to bedroom. Item: optical appointment asap.

You sure got some pretty teeth, boy. Tee heard about my impending dental exam and begged me to schedule a cleaning for him. WTF? Whose kid is this anyway? Item: self-employed, non-insured, self-pay VANITY cleaning scheduled for the same day as my appointment. You'll be proud that I offered no retort whatsoever to the receptionist who noted the irony of the mother who neglects her own dental hygiene until a problem, or a trip, occurs and the son who would gladly show up weekly if permitted.

P.S. This is not procrastination. After a total of 11 new test-patches, I'm just tired.

Comments

[Alison]

Hey! Procrastination is my middle name, too!

[sumgirl]

"why do today what you can put off until tomorrow" makes perfect sense to me, too. it actually sounds like you've got it better together than i would at this point! good luck.

[savia]

The time change sounds about right. Italians love their smokes, so you'll fit right in. And your son's a hunk - the hot little Italian girls will love him.